singing in the rain

Happy 1st

2012-02-14T09:00:00.002-05:00

What a fun year it has been!

blogging started for me like most things start

with a simple notion of entertainment & perhaps selfish gains

BUT

life thought me soo much more through here

it was incredible & unexpected

during the past year i have learned so much about life

and about living my faith in a real way

and this blog has helped me channel a lot of those

lessons

experiences

and

hurts

in a way

that although i often thought were just for me

benefited and blessed tons of others

i am forever grateful to you all

for reading

for coming back

and for appreciating what i have to say

it means a lot

Thank you for

hanging in there

commenting & encouraging me

putting up with the joys, lessons, teachings and hurts

they've all been part of this

and now the winner of my first giveaway is:

Sarah from Forever God's Princess

Congratulations Sarah!!!

and to all a

REAL Love: His Plans are Always Better

2012-02-13T09:00:00.008-05:00

Hello friends! I hope you all had a great weekend. Today we continue my Real Love Series with another great story. May you learn and be blessed by it. And thank you for all the great feedback. 

Hello! I'm so blessed to be over here today. When Jennifer asked me to share my love story, I got so excited. Mind you, it's not perfect and there are bumps along the way...

Well, let me take you back to where it all started…

Silently I sat on my bed by the window, clutching my bible and Passion & Purity by Elisabeth Elliot in my arms. “Daughter, I never promised that you would get married.” I heard Him whisper to my heart. After several months I realized that if God was asking for my dream of getting married, then He had a good reason to do so. So I gave that dream to Him – which sounds a lot easier than it really was for me. How do you really put into words what it means to surrender? I had a huge crush on a guy, but I had to give it over to him. I knew I could trust Him with my heart. It was hard to let that guy go, but soon my desires were for more of God and less for relationships with guys. The rest of my highschool days pasted without huge struggles about being single. But soon those days were over and I found myself at a small Christian college. It was here that I struggled a lot with the desire for a relationship. Sometimes my heart ached so badly that I thought it would break from loneliness. It was a season of waiting. There were a few guys that I met on mission trips and various events and I’d ask God, “what about him?”

This is where I advise you to be very careful. Our hearts can be very deceitful. I can’t tell you how many times I thought “I could marry them” or “If they asked me, I would date them”. Don’t let your desires skew your thinking. Seek the Lord and He will reveal the right time. Lots of times He said “no” by never allowing me to see my crush again, or I found out they started dating someone else. The Lord also brought me through a season of severe pain and sickness. It was there that He showed me who I really was and how wretched I am without Him. I knew I had to trust Him in this area or my heart would lead me to the wrong thing.

I met Jonathan the Spring semester of my sophomore year at a Bible study where he led worship. He had it all – he was tall, dark, ruggedly handsome, funny, outgoing and played guitar. I liked him more than anyone I’d ever met just from that first encounter. Even so, I didn’t pay him much attention the first few weeks. (He later told me that he probably wouldn’t have been as interested in me if I had. He didn’t want someone who just came to a Bible study to meet guys.) The next few months were spent getting to know each other at the Bible study.

How did I know he was ‘it’? Well, the first sign was our similar passions. Pretty early on he asked me where I thought the Lord was leading me in life – I had never met someone whose God-given passions were the same as mine. Exactly! Second, was the way he pursued me. He was careful, respectful and intentional. Some of the first questions he asked me when we started “talking” were about my salvation and views on the Bible (which made a big impression on me). I knew he was serious about me. He wasn’t just playing around with my heart – he told me that I was the kind of girl he prayed God would give him one day.

Once it became clear that it was almost time to move on to dating, we spent 2 weeks apart with no communication in order to seek the Lord. It was an agonizing 2 weeks for me. In my heart, I knew that I already loved him. Even so, I gave all my hopes for this relationship to the Lord. I didn’t hear a “no” this time. I felt at peace with moving on and I knew that Jonathan was a man that I could trust with my heart. Sure, I had a few doubts here and there as we dated, but they were mostly in regards to the real person I found. I knew that I could not change him, so I had to ask myself if these were imperfections I was willing to live with for the rest of my life. Time and time again, I said yes and fell more deeply in love with this wonderful (and yet very human) man.

Was it scary and overwhelming at times? You bet. Still, in those moments I knew that the Lord was leading me. I had no doubt that I had sought His guidance and He had led me to this man. He chose me and I chose him…and we’ve never looked back.

The things of the heart are deep and mysterious. I don’t know where you are or what your past looks like. I can’t tell you anything but to seek the Lord. He knows our hearts and He knows what we need far better than we do. Trust Him, wait for Him. Your heart may break. Your dreams may shatter. Your soul may ache. Mine did. But there is always a purpose. The plans He has are far better than we can ask or think.

Thank you Jennifer for sharing about your story on my blog. It's truly inspiring.

Please visit The Blair Affairs for more on Jennifer and her life as married woman!

You have one last day to enter the giveaway. Go here!

REAL Love Series: Waiting is About God, Not Each Other

2012-02-10T09:00:00.016-05:00

This post from the girl with a smile is so good, it needs no introduction. Enjoy!

This guy and I are courting. It's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. But a lot happened before we got here.

Let's rewind, shall we?

"God, give me the patience to hold on. I want to not grow tired or rebellious about you writing my love story." - Nov. 17, 2009 {journal entry}

Let me give you the context of when I wrote this. I had been enjoying a season of God pursuing me as the Lover of my soul like never before. And in this pursuit of Him breaking the walls that calloused my heart, I was required to let love in. A total healing process of letting go of the false idea I had of love, relationships and marriage. 3 months prior to this entry, I had made a covenant with the Lord that I would not date for a year, even if He brought the right guy into my life (this is really how His pursuit for my soul began). And when I made this covenant, I thought I would not be tempted to break it because I didn't have any guy catch my attention (and I wasn't expecting it to...) but there I was, desperately asking the Lord for strength to wait, just 3 months after!! The impossible had happened: I was wanting to date this godly guy that had caught my attention with his walk with the Lord. The pressure was on.

I was waiting for the Lord to reveal if this would be the guy or not, an answer he would not give me without faith on my part. So I waited... I wanted God's will more than my own. I did not want to 'make' this guy the one for me. I guarded my heart as I waited: I didn't tell him things that were personal to me, or the hurts from the past. I told myself that I wouldn't tell him things I would not tell someone else on the same friendship level just because my emotions told me to. God was capable of orchestrating our story without my help or his. I could rest on that. Ironically, through this waiting season I was being prepared for the next season. The foundation for our relationship was being laid. I could expect our relationship to bear good fruits just because good fruit was bearing through our friendship season. We grown alongside each other and God has been and will always be our common ground! Waiting had to be about God, not each other. It is to glorify Him, not the sake of just dating someone.

There were things God was going to be clear about in the waiting season:

The only relationship that matters the most for eternity is the one with our Creator.
Was I being called to marriage? - In our Western Culture Christianity, we seem to put extra emphasis on the idea of romance, marriage & family. Rightfully so, since it's the core of God's plan for us. But we take it to the extreme sometimes and we tend to look down & dismiss the importance of singlehood, whether temporary or not.
I didn't want to date/court (I like to call it 'intentional dating') if I wasn't putting marriage on a healthy perspective. The idea that this guy friend was someone's future husband helped me respect him and our boundaries. And until we're not saying "I do" on an altar to each other, I am still being grounded on that statement. He is not mine.
The single season prepares you for courting & engagement seasons. If you're not content with the gift of singlehood, you will not be content in marriage. No matter how much you disagree with this, it's true.
Love is not self-seeking. Many times did L & I endure the worst of each other, and we thought to give up on our friendship. Love serves and sacrifices, even when being despised. You cannot want a relationship for you gain from it, but for what you give to it.
Real love, true love, does exist. It all depends if you're willing to trust God with that area of your life, even if it involves being single & devoted to Him all your life. Amy Carmichael was a godly woman who never married but glorified Christ with all her life.
God can orchestrate your love story because He cares about it more than you do. After all, He designed it! It's the closest thing we have that speaks of His relationship with us. He calls us His bride (Revelation 21:2). Trust that He will not let you be single a day more than you need to be.

Dear ladies,

Just wait upon the Lord. We were friends for two years and I had not seen my guy friend for 6 months before he showed up to my door, asking permission to court me.
This quote has been my motto ever since:

"I will trust while I wait for my God i never late"

This post was amazing. Thank you so much for joining me on this! Please visit her blog for more tips on Christian living and courtship - She Smiles, She Writes

PS: A few more days left on the Giveaway!

REAL Love Series: Obey and Enjoy - A guy's take

2012-02-09T09:00:00.001-05:00

I particularly love when a guy could share some light on the topic of courtship. Here's a great one from "the guy" at

Standing Still and Speaking Softly

“Do not awaken or arouse love until it so desires.” That was the word from the Lord. That was all I had to stand by. I had no idea that God was going to take me on a journey that would change my life.

Can I just say that I wasn’t looking to date? I wasn’t looking for a wife. But when I saw her, I knew. The attraction was something deeper then the skin, but shallower than the spiritual. I quickly became the guy who liked the girl with the smile. I made a covenant with the Lord that I would not introduce myself to this beauty, but that He would introduce us if it was His will. It was. We met, through a friend, two weeks later. What conspired after wasn’t so great. It went something like this: guy expresses feelings prematurely, girl freaks out, girl comes back, feelings are exchanged and fireworks happen, God says not yet, they choose to obey, guy falls out of attraction, girl runs away from attraction, and all seems lost. That ridiculously long run-on sentence covered about 8 months.

Lo and behold, the Lord was in control the whole time. I don’t think we ever fell fully out of attraction for one another, I think we just gave up on the Lord. As we “moved on” we moved into a true best friend relationship. God began stirring in my heart an attraction for her like the one I originally had, but I didn’t want to ruin the great friendship that was being birthed. I asked God to take control of my passions; He did. Then on December 6th, 2010 God whispered in my ear, “it’s time.” I knew what He was talking about, and I really didn’t want to go there. He was talking about the beginning of a courtship.

On December 10th, 2010 I asked for her hand in courtship. We began our courtship that day. There are not many rules for us. The words “I love you” and the physical seal of a kiss will be reserved for our engagement season, which is when our love will be proved. Right now I am thoroughly enjoying this dating season. It is filled with late night chats, frequent texts, and snail mail letters. Our dates are never conventional; we like to be creative in all aspects.

I would love to say that there is a “right way” to doing a courtship, but there really isn’t. It’s about seeking the face of God and watching Him do everything. All we are required to do is obey and enjoy. Please allow me, though, to shed some words of wisdom. Girls: DO NOT do the pursuing. Wait on that boy, and when he is ready he will MAN UP and purse you. Keep your eyes on the Lord, as He is your groom during your single season. Guys: Don’t rush into a pursuit just because your feelings tell you too. Step back for a second and see what God thinks of it. Lastly, if your not ready to get married one to two years after you begin courting, then you are not ready to be courting at all… justsayin.

Such wisdom in this post. Thank you!!

By the way, tomorrow we'll read on her side of the story and learn more about courtship.

PS: Giveaway is still open.

Real Love Series: The Importance of Being Second

2012-02-08T09:00:00.017-05:00

I'm so glad that I was able to have amazing women of God share about their stories on love, waiting and trusting the Lord. Today Courtney shares her story. And as always, she displays her writing skills beautifully in this post.

hi everyone, this is courtney from vintch. i am thrilled to be on jen’s blog today, sharing a little bit about my thoughts on marriage and love, and the importance of keeping christ at the center of it all.

our love story started like many others. in a cloud of perfume, lockers and high school parking lots. robert was a year ahead of me, drove a volkswagon van and lankily stared in school productions. he was quiet and sat on a bench near my third period class. i hadn’t spoken to him, but i walked by him every day in my most special way, lingering my fingers on the doorknob longer than necessary, hoping he would notice my saunter, my cheerleading uniform, my haircut. the first time we spoke was on our first date, when he picked me up in his dad’s car, sweetly apologizing for the towel on my seat. he spilt water on the way over.

what followed wasn’t easy. we spent every afternoon together for an entire year. then, he left for college two hours away and i realized the reality of young love. i realized that late nights on the telephone sometimes lead to throwing it against the wall and going to bed crying. that girls in college don bikinis and lay out under the volleyball courts. that the train ride between us was too long. and when i finally got to college with him, the trials didn’t stop. there were classes, new friends and old obligations to juggle. in the lowest point of our relationship, i met him between our dorms and gave him back his microwavable soup bowl. i cried and rolled his high school ring around my finger. we parted at around nine in the morning, and i didn’t speak to him for three months.

but we found our way back. because even though college was hard, and temptations were around every corner, and the time apart felt like a physical death, our love was stronger than that. one night robert was reading his bible and he found job 9:9: “he made all the stars--the bear and orion, the pleiades and the constellations of the southern sky.” pleiades is our favorite constellation. that sign from the lord confirmed it and we met in the hallway one afternoon to talk.

we haven’t stopped talking since. we talk on the phone every day. we talk in bed at night. at five-thirty on august 30, 2008, we talked sacred words to each other at the alter of my home church.

my mama used to tell me, i love you kids. but i love jesus more. and that used to hurt my feelings. how could she possibly love anything more than me? more than my mousy hair and my shy stutter? but now, i understand. because even though my love for robert is greater than any love i could ever share on this earth, i too, love my father more. and that’s the way it should be—and that’s what keeps our love good. because i’m second on robert’s list as well. and as we seek to develop, nourish and feed that relationship with jesus, we strengthen our own.

and much of that is spiritual. but some is physical, too. i wore white on my wedding day with honor. somehow, armed with an unmatched grace, we overcame the temptress that is college, with its alone time, twin beds and empty dorm rooms. that was important to us—to save ourselves. because we were worth it. and that’s my message today. you are worth it too.

you with the messy hair.

you with the gap-toothed grin.

you with the stutter, the slur, the stammer.

you with no idea what the future holds.

you with no one to kiss at night.

you with the wide hips, the crooked nose and the big feet.

you in the trailer park, the neighborhood, the mansion.

you with the thrift store coat and bright tights.

you are worth it. and there’s still time. you are worthy.

Courtney also has an amazing etsy shop and you can win an item from her shop on my giveaway. You can still enter here! Don't forget to leave a comment with your desired prize.

Real Love Series: Stewarding Our Season of Singleness

2012-02-07T09:00:00.001-05:00

First, I want to thank Jennifer for giving me the opportunity to share on her very lovely blog =D She asked me to share a little about singleness and waiting for our future spouses, and I immediately thought about how as singles we need to be stewarding and maximizing this season to its full potential. That whole idea though is not encouraged in our culture these days. My generation is one that's extending adolescence into our 20's and 30's. We use these years to "have fun" and avoid responsibility and commitment as much as possible. I think we'd be foolish in thinking that won't have an impact on our marriages and families in the future. God created us to be stewards with everything He's given us, including our years as singles. So then the question that needs to be asked is what does that look like on a practical level? As I sit here, with coffee in hand (my brain food), four things come to mind...

Becoming a Steward of Your Season of Singleness Includes...

Becoming Secure in Who's You Are. It sounds so cliche, but "fall in love with Jesus." You need to try and understand this: You are God's beloved daughter. And as God's beloved daughter He does not wish to give your hand in marriage to a mediocre man. God, your heavenly, perfect Father loves you like no other person in the universe. He knows every single thing about you from your deepest desires, secrets, dreams, hopes, strengths, flaws, sins, weaknesses, your likes and dislikes, what makes you smile, what makes you laugh so hard your stomach hurts, what breaks your heart, what makes you cry, and what encourages you. He knows you fully, which includes the good, the bad, and the ugly. And He loves you in spite of it all. We need only look to the cross for evidence of this. One of my favorite passages of scripture comes from Isaiah 54. This chapter of scripture has been entitled The Eternal Covenant of Peace by scholars and theologians, and I've always found comfort in it every season I've been in. But, take a look at verse five...

For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.

God is the lover of your soul. Married or single, you have a love life with the Creator of the universe. Married or single, you're already in a covenant relationship. Have you nurtured that relationship? Have you allowed Jesus Christ to be the husband of your soul? Yes, you are God's beloved daughter, but you're also His beloved bride. I always say that my top priority in men is that they have a ferocious love and zeal for Christ, because this is what I'm cultivating in myself. Take delight in the divine romance before you ever enter into an earthly one. For the divine romance will feed into the earthly one making it a beautiful display of the gospel here on earth for others to see.

Gaining a Vision for Marriage. We live in a society and culture that doesn't esteem marriage, but demeans it. Simply flip on your TV to a random sitcom and you're sure to hear jokes about the marrieds. People kinda view it as your life ending in a sense. It's a prison of sorts where it's all work and no play. It's not held in honor. However, in Genesis chapter two we see that God sees marriage completely different. God creates marriage and says it is good that man have a helper, a wife. And marriages that image the gospel are very good and beautiful. They're worth all the hard work and struggle that come with the territory. We serve a God who is pro-marriage, therefore we're to renew our minds and become pro-marriage as well.

Becoming Marriage Material. Demographically speaking, single women in their 20's are most likely to be in large amounts of debt. Ladies, use these single years to learn basic financial skills and avoid going into as little debt as possible. This includes learning how to balance a checkbook, living on a budget, bargain hunting... learning how to stretch that dollar. Now, I'm going to come out and say it, but I desire and aspire to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. I know that's not popular to say, but it's true. And I know I'm not the only one because after having talked to several women my age, I've found many who agree with me. If you're like us, then pickup a few homemaking skills such as cooking (which personally, I love), baking, hospitality, organizational skills, etc. If you want to have kids someday, then spend time around kids. Trust me, you'll learn a lot! Pick a career path or invest in an education. Find a home church and commit to being involved in community. If you have past sexual sins, unhealthy addictions, father wounds, etc. get help and work through those things before you get married, so that when you do enter into covenant with a man (or woman), you carry in as little baggage as possible. Finally, don't chase men. Now, I will point out that there's a difference between chasing a man, and getting in his way. We see this in the book of Ruth when Naomi advises her daughter-in-law to get in Boaz's way. The women in my family affectionately call this "pulling a Ruth." That means going where the godly men are. Don't chase a man; chase Christ, but be available. It's easy for us to make lists of what we want in a spouse and set the standard high, but often we fail to set the bar high for ourselves too. We focus far more on finding that "perfect" person, then stretching and challenging ourselves to become the kind of spouse we want to be for whom we marry someday. So keep your list of what you're looking for, but have a companion one for the kind of wife (or husband) you want to be and God has called you to be.

Recruiting Your Naomi's. Please, please, please don't underestimate the importance of seeking counsel when a relationship comes. God has not called us to live in isolation, but in community. In the Bible we see Ruth getting counsel from Naomi on how to proceed with Boaz. In Song of Solomon, the Shulamite woman is in community with her godly friends who encourage her (see chapter 1). Abraham and his servant oversaw the marriage of Issac and Rebekah. If we look at the marriages and relationships in the Bible, there's almost always someone else or a group of people counseling and guiding the couple. Your Naomi is to be someone who is godly, trustworthy, and who knows you. Naomi's then serve us by encouraging us when necessary, and pointing out red-flags that we may not be able to see.

Pay me a visit at my blog Scribbles n'Things. I'd love to see you there =)

Thanks Natalie for sharing such great tips!

Enter My Giveaway

REAL Love: Choosing God's Will Over Want

2012-02-06T09:00:00.002-05:00

Today I officially kick off my REAL Love Series with Mallory's story. Hers is one of trusting the Lord, following her parents leading and ultimately complete surrender.

I can hardly believe I've been married for 6 months and some days now... time really has flown by. I remember, about 2 years ago when the days felt forever long and every minute felt like a fight with my flesh. When I reflect back on those days now, my soul quiets within me and all I can say is "God you were faithful, you never leave, and now I can see your goodness in every tear i cried"

I met Ricky at the Christian nonprofit I worked for and within 2 months I found myself wanting to be around him. Ricky, another coworker and I started jogging after work, I hate jogging, but I jogged because he was there... I thought he was funny, passionate and really cute. As Ricky and I started talking more, and jogging more, we really began getting close and I really felt there was something different about him. But even from the beginning of our friendship, I realized how complicated it would be to be friends or to even begin a courtship.

Our churches were different but most importantly our foundations were different. There were doctrinal differences in our two churches, issues that defined what we both believed about God and about ourselves as sinners and that hung in my heart every time we spoke. I knew nothing could happen with the both of us if God did not address the issues in one of our hearts.

Ricky spoke to my dad and asked if we could begin a courtship to get to know each other better to which he agreed. We had a blast together, but there was also that dark cloud over our heads that reminded us that we had a huge issue that needed to change. With my parents wisdom we decided to set a date to pray about our relationship and the church God was calling each other to serve in. I knew this might not end up the way I wanted it to but I knew what they were saying was wise and I had to do it.

I dreaded meeting with Ricky to talk about what God revealed to us. Ricky felt the Lord call him to stay at his church, and that if I were the one for him I would follow him and that was the end of it. We said our goodbyes and drove away from the Starbucks. I cried for days... I really felt like he was the one, but I knew I wasn't the one to change his mind or his heart.

I truly felt the Lords love and comfort through my parents words and care for me during that season. My dad kept reassuring me that if I delighted myself in the Lord he would give me the desires of my heart and if my heart were seeking Gods will I would want to obey Gods word. I had to surrender my heart to God and trust he would perfectly care for it and look after it. Every day I saw Ricky at work, and I had to make the decision to lay my desires at the Lords altar and trust in him.

One night i remember crying to my mom, why is this so hard? I'm so sad, and I'm upset that it couldn't work out, because I wanted him to be the one." And my mom gently placed her hand on mine, and reminded me that God is good... He is faithful. That impacted me so much because she reminded me that in all things... in the things I have to surrender and lay at God's feet, God is good.

Fifteen months went by and my heart was still praying and crying out to God for strength and joy for all that happened with Ricky but with each day there was new grace and new joy and my soul longed for God more than anything or anyone else.

At the same time, God had been speaking to Ricky and giving him faith for a new church. He began visiting the church I attended and God began convicting his heart on the issues that we use to discuss. I didn't have to convince him of anything, the Lord did the work... for His glory. I've always loved Ricky's faith but now we were on the same foundations. I'm amazed at how God faithfully worked all things and I'm convinced that in the midst of joy or pain God is always at work and when we surrender all our desires, hurts, prayers to God, he is never far from us."

Thank you Mallory for sharing your story!

And friends, there's more to come. And don't forget to enter my giveaway here.

Anniversary Giveaway

2012-02-03T08:00:00.002-05:00

As you may have heard, this little love nest turns a year old in just 11 days. I am very excited because of everything I've learned, grown and how many wonderful people I've met through this little blog. My blog may not be the best or worse, but it's a place I love to come to for fun, good memories, and to share my faith and experiences. I hope you've enjoyed this journey with me as much as I have.

And now, on to the real good part.

To celebrate with a bang, I'm having my first giveaway!!!

For this giveaway I decided to partner with one my favorite bloggers out there, Courtney from Vintch, to give away a vintage piece. So I went over to Courtney's etsy shop and picked three items that i loved (four, really) to allow you a choice on your prize.

Option One

Vintage Deep Teal Button Up Autumn Dress

it says autumn, but i'd wear it any day!

Option Two

Antique Blue and White Ceramic Floral Planter

Vintage Tribal-Inspired Cloth Napkins/Handkerchiefs: Set of Three

Yes this is a set deal!!!

(by the way I love these two so much I thought it twice about making it part of the giveaway!)

Option Three

Set of 15 Rare Vintage Records- Alexander Scourby Bible Reading

Aren't all these amazing??

Here's how to enter:

1. Follow Singing in the Rain via Google Friend Connect

2. Tell me the item you'd like to win & your email

For extra entries:

Follow me on twitter

tweet or share on your blog about the giveaway

and of course leave a comment for each entry

The winner will be announced on February 14th

*sorry giveaway is only opened in the U.S.

Alright, get set, go!

PS: Don't forget to check back next week for my series on REAL Love!

often we have to give the boys a chance and accept we drive them crazy

2012-02-02T10:44:00.000-05:00

it's a good day...

2012-02-01T09:41:00.000-05:00

because today marks the beginning of a great month for me and this blog.

next week we start my first mini series on

February is the month of love and chocolate and candy and little cards... but some of us, tend to forget the real meaning, of a real love story. So through this series i hope you are inspired to wait for REAL love, to act upon REAL love and to learn from REAL people who have overcome in this area... TUNE IN next week

[hold your breath there's more]

On february 14th my blog becomes 1 YEAR OLD and i'm so excited!!!! and because i could not have gotten here without you, the readers, i've decided to hold a giveaway [enter clapping]

it's a month of firsts! So please, come back, stay awhile and follow me on this adventure so that you can learn and be motivated by others, and maybe even win a special gift i am cooking up!

i'm so excited!

thank you for your support.

ps: more information SOON!

2012-01-31T13:26:00.000-05:00

i'm kinda dancing around lately in the business of life.
it's grabbed me by the hand, swinging me side to side.
it often feels like it's a great side to side twist, sort of deal,
which i enjoy, but other times it twirls me way too much, way too fast.
it makes me a little sick.

the year started like that for me. a soft hopeful dance of two partners with equal wants. the new year desiring an endearing love fest of successes and me hopeful to make this year better than last. perfect balance indeed. but with a month of this "1,2,3 Cha-cha-chá" almost fully in our back packet, our hopeful dance is beginning to look like a small jog.

life is precious in all it's way. i should know. i've never experienced too many awful things without the equal balance of good in them at the end or even in between.

it's not that im complaining. it's not that im not enjoying my love fest with 2012, but it's just surprisingly going faster than i planned. i'm doing so much more than i hoped and plans and adventures are all tossed in this mix of tunes.

im taking the chance with this dance unto the unknown. tea in hand. some greens and some chicken too. cause a girl has got to be healthy. a few good books lined up. a potentially promising music career. more rewards through my work. and, of course, lessons that i can't even begin to predict.

im just satisfied to know that i feel equipped for this dance. i've wobbled enough to know not to fall or how to hold on to avoid it. and looking in the mirror i see a smile. a gorgeous girl in her happy medium. i see some anxieties and other things that stick around too. but overall i see a happy woman. happy to know she's growing older, but wiser. dancing along with life, carefully, and letting time decide it's tempo, prepared to Cha-cha-chá or to do a vals. it's all good in this dance. it's alright in this life.

2012-01-27T10:06:00.000-05:00

dear 4th week of january,

you've really kept me busy. non-stop working. few hours of sleep. lot's of paperwork, long hours and coffee. i almost got upset with you, half way through the journey. too many financial reports, program analysis and testimonials, even pictures and receipts. it just seemed too tedious for a girl like me. but i was wrong to even complain. you see, you've earned me wonderful opportunities, chats, breakthroughs and long-term joy. thank you really. i'm over worked this morning, possibly over caffeinated, but im happy. so many great things are coming soon, i honestly can't wait for your friend february to arrive, please don't take that as an offense. guess i'll be seeing you next year.

life lessons & true hope

2012-01-26T10:38:00.000-05:00

in life we'll always have that person or persons tho keep us in check.
to point us back to places of improvement. to remind us that we are not yet perfect.
to show us where we can be humbled. where we can be more like Christ.
to higlight our weaknesses.

but there is one who is greater, who signals, with love.
the only one with authority over our life.
he judges and heals.
he loves us and corrects us.
he sees the brokenness in our heart.
he sees the potential masterpiece.
he is never too hard and always too loving.

he will make us humble
he will allow suffering and discomfort
but his promise of sufficient grace
will never cease
and in the weariness. in the trial. we will be victorious.
because his grace is enough. his love endures forever.
his care is beyond all human care
and his power is mighty to save.

wordless wednesday: into the wild

2012-01-25T09:55:00.000-05:00

photo by jp cardona at breakthru production - check him out

life is about...

2012-01-23T09:33:00.000-05:00

silliness :)

hanging on a greater hope.
spending hours in your parked car, laughing hysterically with friends
mending broken hearts by offering sincere apologies
leaving freer because of said apologies
doing the best to love those you love freely, selflessly
enjoying saturdays at home,
watching a favorite show, reading a dear book, sipping coffee
learning & doing little things to uplift others, it has a way of reciprocating
soaking the beauty of others & letting it make you better
and mostly, learning to love the person we are, good & bad

here's to a new week.

to the master

2012-01-19T09:47:00.000-05:00

every morning i rise

often surrounded by the worries

by the concern of how to make it

through, today.

i worry about the pain,

the joy and even where to find

the strength,

and in you, i rest again.

i am surrounded

yet again

your grace and mercy

find me

they clothe me every morning

tenderly they walk beside me

they supress the weakness

push the strength

kick my fear in the face

they sit in the pit of my soul

filling it with promises

holding back the floods

of doubt and tears

seducing me with your love

how much more will you fight for me?

how much longer will you hold?

you never cease to surprise me

neither your comfort and love

you are committed to my survival

to my purpose and final resolve

i cant help but succumb

put down my pride

and be your little girl

your million dollar baby

the precious, royal one

you have called

you see so much more

more than i can

a perfect canvas

to display your work

a jar of clay

in need of breaking

but all in all

perfect to be redone

i'll be your canvas

i'll be your clay

i choose to be your masterpiece

i choose to sing you praise

i will rest in silence,

in your refuge my heart will lay

i will trust in your command

master, i will be your slave

one year ago today...

2012-01-18T09:53:00.000-05:00

my friend jp and i took a trip to nashville

for the recording of our first album.

headed to nashville. we were somewhere in Atlanta when we took this photo.

it was an amazing experience.

and we were super excited, as you can see...

we spent long hours in a studio.

many more hours in a car. and fun times speeding to the airport.

but what was most amazing to me, was the experience of

working with top quality musicians who love jesus deeply

and are extremely humble.

oh, and the results were beyond our expectations.

in 2 days, we had all the music recorded for 99.9% of the album.

we will never forget these guys...

for those of you who may not know about our music,

feel free to visit

Kairos fanpage

can you handle another kitty picture?

2012-01-17T09:56:00.001-05:00

that was yesterday.
and.this.is.today.

now. joking aside.

this is my power thought of the week.
there's no greater encouragement, no greater weapon, no greater stregnth than knowing that god is with us and fights for us. we know that even though we walk through the valleys we have the assurance that he will get us to the mountain tops.
his love is amazing.

well, hello monday

2012-01-16T09:33:00.000-05:00

that's.exactly.how.i.feel.this.morning.

i may even have whiskers.

too good not to share...

2012-01-13T14:19:00.000-05:00

i miss her...

2012-01-12T12:13:00.000-05:00

this is my youngest niece.

she loves being photographed.

and for this little session, she decided to show me her baby picture.

im so glad i was able to get this little shoot of her with my handy app on my phone.

it's such a great memory for her and my sister.

isn't she adorable?

funny story:

she thinks im dora.

my sister calls me on random nights because she wants to talk to dora.

dora the explorer. who lives in the tv set.

i mean this kid has an obsession with her.

there are films gallore.

numerous outfits and toys

that fill her room.

it's like a dora shrine.

the only thing missing, a real life dora to speak to.

that's where i come in.

[i make a good impression of her voice too.]

see why i miss her?

this picture always makes me feel like she is saying

"I miss you too"

while she is pointing.

why can't new york be closer?

modern day slavery

2012-01-11T08:00:00.001-05:00

you may be surprised to know that millions of people in the world are enslaved.
it's time we DO SOMETHING.
not sure what to do?
here's how to start:
1. help spread the word. today is human trafficking awareness day.
2. visit A21 Campaign and End Slavery Now for more info.
3. commit to pray for the men, women & children that are suffering

we can make a difference. we can help end slavery.
we have been called to fight for FREEDOM.

treasures in my inbox

2012-01-10T09:43:00.000-05:00

i love so many things about the blog world, but more than the encouraging posts, i love the encouraging comments on the posts.
some of my readers subscribe my email.
and often, i find little treasures in my inbox.
an amazing response that makes my day.
mostly because these people, are people i know in real life.
it makes it exciting.
yesterday, i loved the response i received to monday's post.
it was so encouraging that i got permission from the writer to post.

heyy. i can relate to this post! the main thing i got out of last year was maturity and growth. and it can be tedious and tiring like you say but rewarding (also like you say lol) thanks for sharing! the main lesson i'm carrying onto this year, though is Freedom. carrying and wearing it like a banner. when we delight in His freedom all the temporal stuff grows dim and the eternal things become everything. "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17 [I'm] seriously ready to not live in the past and to not dwell on the present but to live for something bigger than all of us. God is good and for that I praise Him because we may never get there until He comes but He already did it!!! I learned that with the "Do Something Now" film in Passion. The lady from Nepal who was abused for years both sexually and for labor talked about Jesus and what He's done in her life and it all made sense there. God's really got it under control. She just smiled and said that she now knows what true joy is and forgave all of the men who hurt her. Then I realized what true freedom is and that only Jesus can save and heal and nothing really matters but Him.

I don't know how to conclude this. I just felt like sharing. lol. Thanks for reading and I hope we all get to know this freedom like the girl from Nepal. love you, Jen.

thanks Camille, for your encouraging words.

i hope her words bless you too.
i send my love to all of you, who read, post and feel encouraged.
you will never know how much i've grown by means of this blog and the awesome blog people ive met.
thank you.

i will get there soon enough

2012-01-09T09:31:00.000-05:00

the best part of growing up is growing up.
you see, there's a certain feeling after one finishes the upward walk to what seems like a never-ending staircase. relief. then suddenly, a conclusion. i made it, i am new. different.

and that feeling of "i've grown up", makes growing up a bitter-sweet commodity.
a challenge that deems us knights in shining armor, princesses that have been rescued.
royalty.

in all honesty, some days i feel at the bottom of the staircase and others well beyond the halfway mark. and it feels discouraging at times, but i tend to take some steps back. accidentally. purposely. it's just that the journey is difficult, and often tiring. becoming a woman of worth, strength and inner beauty, takes all the energy i have. all my efforts. and really there is where i fail. where we fail. fighting with my own strength only gets me so far before i am weary and ready to retire.

here's where i know that only a greater hope, greater power, can sustain me through the hours of tired calfs, heavy lifting, short breaths and panting as i walk the journey to freedom.

the encouraging thing is that victories can occur daily or weekly in this journey. today it's making it to monday, getting through the first week of the year and lifting up prayers of commitment to the will (though unknown to me) of the father.

watch a miracle - the power of prayer

2012-01-06T09:42:00.000-05:00

things i learned in 2011

2012-01-05T10:07:00.000-05:00

the past year is gone, but the lessons i learned still linger. i want to highlight a few of them here.

1. when one door closes another opens.

2. sometimes two doors open and you need lots of guidance to make the best choice.

3. when you work hard doing something you love, 2 hours of sleep feel like 8.

4. there are still generous people in the world (the kind the gift you tons of money just because they are nice and believe in your dream! -- not kidding!).

5. friendships will go through major trials, but if they are united by real love, they will remain and be stronger.

6. the art of making coffee allows for great friendships to be made.

7. it's ok to keep personal matters to yourself, but it's not good to be so closed that you explode. sharing struggles helps. find a good person to do that with.

8. the older i get, the younger and prettier i feel. good counter attack to aging.

9. heart break, pain, trials all come with a purpose. to make us stronger. better. beautiful inside & out.

10. when you accomplish great success through hard work, family that rejected you, come back and realize how amazing you've turned out. it's a great feeling.

11. letting go is the hardest thing in the world, but it's also the best thing in the world. sorry can't explain it. it is what it is.

what i've been doing all day

2012-01-04T16:27:00.000-05:00

I was not able to attend the Passion 2012 Conference in Atlanta, but, fortunately for me, the sessions are streaming live. I've never been so glued to my phone or my laptop. Last night, Hillsong United was amazing. And watching/listening to the organizations fighting human trafficking has been life changing. And moving.

So. In case you are not busy tonight, tune in to the Passion 2012 live stream. Oh and purchase the all digital pass so that if you miss it, you can get the main sessions electronically, later. Sweet.

ok.

back.to.work.

how we welcomed the new year

2012-01-04T08:00:00.000-05:00

there's something beautiful, renewing and full of hope about staying up all night to catch the first sunrise of the year. i love my crazy friends for being up to it every year. great traditions that make great memories and a great ending for a new beginning.

finally a resolution

2012-01-03T08:00:00.004-05:00

“Now we should live while the pulse of life is strong. Life is a tenuous thing…fragile, fleeting… Be here now. Be here now. Be here now.”

a pleasant farewell

2011-12-31T12:15:00.000-05:00

with a simple but yet beautiful sunrise (see above), i began the journey of 2011. with great expectations and wonderful promises, i took on the challenge of walking the uncharted territories of the new year. with time i learned that just as the lord told me through Ecclesiastes 9:11, this was my year of opportunity.

when we think of opportunity, it may sound as if it's always a positive, fun, bewildering chance to do something amazing, for our own good. And many times this is the case, but it can also depict a chance, a moment, a season, a few minutes of suffering, for an amazing result. i perhaps did not assume that the lord intended suffering when he spoke of opportunity, but nonetheless, as i walked through the seasons of 2011 i experienced perfect days of balanced cool and sunlight, and those of heavy rains, hail and persistent wind. sometimes for days at a time. and although i could not always explain it, many times it felt like it was raining while the sun was still shining. a perfect combination of amazing result and fervent suffering.

my land of opportunity, 2011, will cease to exist at the strike of midnight, but the lasting changes caused by each experience it afforded me has only begun its course in my life. nothing that i endured, celebrated or cried for is wasted matter, rather all of it has come together to make this puzzle complete, to give sense and sensibility to what it means to grow in character and worth.

i would not change any of it, even the most fearful and trying moments because i look back today and see that the young girl who started this path, 365 days ago, was merely just an infant in comparison to the woman of faith, worth and love she is today.

with much enthusiasm i wait for 2012, unafraid and rejoicing for the chance of new experiences and the opportunity to grow an inch or two. but most importantly i look forward to great discoveries, amazing stories, great novels and books to read, passionate experiences with my lord and victories over battles. i'm ready.

happy new year friends and thank you so much for walking beside me, by way of this blog, throughout 2011. i hope you'll stick around in the new year and inspire me some more as i grow, endure and overcome.

it lingers.

2011-12-27T10:50:00.000-05:00

im so glad that the feeling has not yet gone. there's gift boxes everywhere. bagged cookies. wine bottles that arrived as gifts and are yet to be consumed, if ever. gift bags stuffed with gifts. and tons of left overs. tons. and the sweet air in the atmosphere is still engrossing us, reminding us that it will soon end, but nonetheless, caressing us with its lullaby that speaks peace, joy and love.

celebrating together

2011-12-26T10:59:00.000-05:00

Christmas with my family this year was special. I really enjoyed the weekend with my fam. Bonding with my dad and walking together, and chatting really felt special. I really love this time of year because it brings us together.

Family and friends gathered on Christmas Eve for a great dinner, dancing (I didn't do any of that, i ate too much to move) and then opening presents.

My dad is such a sweetie. While my step-mom was at work, he cooked most of the dinner. I tried helping him, but cooking is his favorite thing to do and he likes to do it his way. I don't mind letting him do it. I take care of the dirty dishes, one of the things I like to do for some odd reason.

My twins looked adorable as usual. I think they get it from their older sister, don't you? They are so grown up and for me, coming home this Christmas, to see their maturity and their growth as young adults was a great gift. I am proud of them.

By midnight, as we traditionally do, we set to tear up the presents. This is my step-mom's favorite thing to do. She sits by the tree and shouts the name of the person whose gift it is, claps, screams with joy and does it for every gift, even when we are worn out by the 100th gift.

Christmas was definitely special this year. There's no place like home and there's no better feeling than that embrace of family, even if you want to murder them in between dinner parties. But that's what families are all about.

it's about family

2011-12-23T10:02:00.000-05:00

this time of year for me is about family. as i think back to the oldest christmas i can remember with my family, i always go back to the same memory. i must have been about 7 and very much into santa. my family lived in a small town in the Caribbean and needless to say it was a place where people lacked a lot of things that we get to see as normal in the u.s. but regardless of what we didn't have, i remember the way our family came together and celebrated. my mother, before anyone in our household sat to eat, made sure one plate was served with a bit of everything for our closest neighbors on both sides. they did the same. it was like sharing the joy in our home with our neighbors, who were like family too. that night my memory flashes forward to leaving cookies for santa (might have been the first and the last time i did that) and waiting for my gifts, which my mother made sure my cookies disappeared and my toys appeared. she even left some by the window so i would think santa dropped it on his way in. oh the joy of my innocence that year. today about 20 years later i dont believe in santa but i believe in family and i believe in the love that i get to share and receive from them this time of year. it really is priceless to share this time of joy, when we all put aside differences and just get along. it's a sacred time of cooking, sitting together and giving gifts to one another to remind us that we are loved.

it's good to be home. it really is.

i pray you all enjoy this time of year in which ever way you celebrate it and however you believe. im happy to celebrate christmas with my family and my hope is that they would know jesus and the true meaning of his birth, death and resurrection.

enjoy my friends.enjoy.

the office party

2011-12-22T10:38:00.000-05:00

my boss (and his wife) really know how to set the Christmas joy in the office. there's lots of pastries and cookies and candy to go around. and i can't forget the christmas decorations, gifts and a santa hat, which im still trying to figure out how to wear with my oversize curly hair (ha!). after the celebrations we are off to our holiday break. what a great way to kick off the holiday celebrations! im so jolly (to say the least)!!

hmm....

2011-12-21T10:57:00.000-05:00

“Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go... But, of course, ceasing to be "in love" need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from "being in love" — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriage) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God... "Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

lots of glam, food and family fun coming up and i cant wait

2011-12-20T10:38:00.000-05:00

1,2,3,

this weekend im spending it with my family for the holidays. and im really excited to see my daddy, cook with him, walk with him in the mornings, and mostly chat about everything. that's always something i've enjoyed about my dad, converstations. he is really open for a father, and i somehow feel like i get to give him so food for thought (or advice). he is the one who teaches me the cool family recipes that i want to carry with me in my heart (and a little book). he is gonna let me cook with him this christmas eve and i cant wait. in case you may not know, hispanics celebrate, make a big dinner, party, dance and usually open presents on christmas eve. im not sure where that began, but latin families get together on the eve of christmas for festivities. we tend to open gifts at midnight, now that we are all older girls. it's much more exciting. and then we sleep in christmas day.

this christmas will be a special one. my twin sisters are moving on their own after the holidays and well im already away so this year we will make it one to remember. family and friends are joining us. and us latins, make christmas eve a dress up party. hence the outfit ideas on this post. it's funny how that happens, even if we are at home, everyone has to dress up, look their best, and take pictures by the over stuffed christmas tree (by over stuffed i mean in decorations and gifts). gotta love my parents.

in case you are not sure what to wear for the events you'll have with your family this year, i hope these help.

counting the days :)

my new friend the bicycle

2011-12-19T09:40:00.001-05:00

i kinda want this bike

yesterday afternoon i learned to ride a bike, for the first time. it only took me 27 years, and although i should perhaps feel lame, i feel cooler than a 5-year-old. i dont know what was more exciting, that all my friends were staring at me after they forced me to get on the bike and learn, or the fact that i was comfortable enough to take the risk and do something that i feared. this was something that i connected to a childhood that deprived me of many things and somehow i chose never to go back there. but i did. i faced it like a brave girl and i feel relieved.

i no longer have to hide behind that silly thing. i no longer need to look back with complaints. i am free of that blame game. it's funny that a bike could do that to me. but im relieved, because victory came in the form of a small, perhaps silly, accomplishment, but at the same time, it has come to prove that a big battle has been won. i really have started on a path to becoming a new me. one with less fears, one less afraid to face them, a girl on the lighter side of things. one willing to kick insecurities in the butt and enjoy everyday life.

who's with me? [practically screaming here]

i know im not alone in overcoming fears and learning later that they were tied to so many other things. but to win, i learned, it just takes that step of faith and that desire to break away from it.

what kind of fears have you overcome?

things of old have a way with me

2011-12-16T09:29:00.000-05:00

i'm an old soul.

and once in awhile i listen to music of old.

big band.

image via

it's so pleasant to listen to. smooth. fine-tuned.

and i envision myself in twirly dresses. red lipstick. swinging side to side.

image via

recently some long-time friends and i, celebrated our decade of friendship by doing a fun

40s concept photo shoot.

and it was the sweetest experience. i'm glad to know them for so long and to be able to have this kind of fun that will be with us for years to come. we are thinking the next time we do will be in 10 more years... can't wait to see how that will look.

the future is not so far after all

2011-12-15T09:43:00.000-05:00

since college i've been sort of still as far as academically speaking. although i've been a working girl. working with missions organizations (non-profits) has opened sooooo many doors for me in terms of spiritual growth and as a career woman. and a woman dreaming of a full time ministry someday.

i graduated as a journalist. i was convinced for most of my college years that i wanted to be writing great articles for major newspapers. and god honored my hardwork and got me a huge internship and then work in the biggest paper in our city. i really enjoyed it. i grew a ton, faced fears head on and felt blessed. after graduation, i knew somehow, that breaking news (car accidents, disputes, deaths, etc.) was not my thing. it was a tough realization and a hard decision to make, but i quit. and i remained faithful at the job i was doing at a missions org. (yes, i was working 2 jobs while going to college).

fast forward, 6+ years of mission work under my belt, i am moving and feeling led to development work in third world countries. no im not a missionary, but i wouldnt mind being one and would love going to serve on the ground. for the last year i've work as a program manager, kinda like the girl that leads the missionaries from the office. this has been one of the most difficult jobs ive had (and i thought my retail years were bad) but it has also been the most rewarding and the best part of my resume. really. i am in a place where i can say i love what i do and the impact on people. and everyday god instills a greater passion for helping others.

there's no better part of my day than reading about the people we get to help everyday to have a better life. after some training, meetings, discipleship and more, they are empowered to make their lives better and all they can say is "they never knew they had such potential" and they thank god that they had the opportunity to help others. as part of our approach, we prepare them to help others, as in those who are even more disadvantaged than they are, and to teach others skills they've learned. it's an impressive network. these church leaders, moms, wives, widows, are all a big impact in their society and in my life. little do they know what they have caused in me.

god uses everything for good. paul was so right when he stated it in romans. this year has been full of those blessings that started tough, challenging, difficult, but after i endured (as best as i could without too much whining) i'm beginning to see results. good results.

this year, i recorded an album, visited many churches presenting it, felt soo much love from my church fam, and my own family like never before, and the people that have heard our music and beyond.

and as i sit here, evaluating what was and what now is because of the path i took, i know that there is so much more to do and that a new level, a new call if you may, is at the wake of dawn, it's coming soon.

i would love your prayers as i consider going back to school and getting a masters in sustainable development. it's a huge step. i need the lord's guidance and provision. and i need the right program. and i need time and dedication do that while still doing everything else i do.

i thank you in advance for your prayers and support.

to my sister

2011-12-14T10:17:00.000-05:00

rain or shine, i can count on you. no matter how silly, hard or ugly it may be, your words always cheer me up. there's nothing you say no to. whatever i need, it's done. you make it, buy it or cook it. you are fearless, more than i ever wish i could be. you take on life's challenges and kick them in the butt. you have no time for that. you are the toughest cookie, but we know it's just a shell you wear to cover the softy, mushy heart. you have the kindness of an angel. no neighbor, child or family member goes hungry on your watch, that's why your stove is always ready and why you always cook too much, just in case. your tea is always right. the right flavor, the right amount of warmth and perfectly sweet. your children are adorable and troublemakers too, but you as a mother, don't quit and your's child need is always urgent. you are such a good mom. even to those who are not your children, like me. you love coffee like i do and you probably make it a million times a day. and it helps you cope with the busyness of life. your little kitchen is that, little, but cozy, and it always smells of great cooking. your hands, they may not be the prettiest, but they resemble the hand of a woman who is not afraid of hard labor, even if it means never leaving the home. you exemplified what women say when they mention that working at home is harder than going out for a job, especially when your smallest doesn't sleep and you are up all night. for days. but you make the best of it. whatching DIY channels at 3 am and learnig how to decorate, use paint and make things out of random other things you have lying around. and most of all you can surely make me laugh. you are loud and maybe too loud and often badly spoken, but you make me laugh like no other. you remind me often of my worth and help me develop plans of success that only you can come up with. when i visit you treat me better than a hotel would, massages, hair treatments, mani-pedis. you are simply the best. thank you for all you do, sister. you are a woman of great worth. and i admire you more than you know.

the wonder of ordinary moments

2011-12-13T09:48:00.001-05:00

image via

A popular slogan says, "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." I see the phrase everywhere, on everything from T-shirts to pieces of art. It's a catchy phrase, but I think it's misleading.

If we measure life by breathtaking moments, we miss the wonder of ordinary moments. Eatin, sleeping, and breathing seem "ordinary" in that we do them every day, usually without much thought. But they are not ordinary at all. Every bite and every breath are miracles. In fact, having breath is more miraculous than anything that takes our breath away.

King Solomon may have had more breathtaking moments than anyone. He said, "I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure" (Eccl. 2:10). But he expressed cynicism about it saying, "All of it meaningless" (v.17 NIV).

Solomon's life reminds us that it's important to find joy in "ordinary" things, for they are indeed wonderful. Bigger is not always better. More is not always an improvement. Busier doesn't make us more important.

Rather than look for meaning in breathtaking moments, we should find meaning in every breath we take, and make every breath meaningful.

by Julie Ackerman Link

making it count

2011-12-12T09:55:00.000-05:00

i love to do what I do. and every time a little girl like her comes to greet me after a worship service, i know that this is something so worthwhile and something i wouldn't mind doing forever. sometimes it's difficult getting up early and getting ready and rehearsing songs for hours, and sitting in the back of the church with a nice poster of jp and i. but when someone's life is touched, when someone feels changed by something God used in our music or worship or words, it makes it all worth it. knowing that we are doing just what the lord wanted us to be doing makes it all worth it. really.

are you where you need to be in your life? are you in the center of what you have been called to do?

as the year comes to a close some people start pondering on what their past year and inevitably some feel as their days have gone to waste. maybe things didnt work out as planned. maybe tragedies and storms or trials didnt help you reach your highest potential. all these things could have happened, but you know, we have a choice how we see today.

my year has not been all pretty roses. it's been a challenging year as well as one of wonderful opportunities. many things went well and others, failed. but i've chosen to enjoy all of it. to see it all as my ticket to growth and a new level of joy in the Lord. i am practicing lately that i have the choice of how i feel and how i react to my life now and even the life that has passed. you too have a choice on how you enjoy the rest of this year. and we have a choice of making it count.

my pastor says, it's not so much about how you started, but how you finish.

keep running, and finish well.

somewhere in downtown

2011-12-08T10:13:00.000-05:00

ONE Rally

our city is having a big conference next year.

and a rlly was done yesterday to get us in gear for what's coming

well it did what it set out to do

i left the theater inspired

and ready to make a difference

Christine Caine was the speaker

and she brought the house down

with her passionate talk about

serving

in a different way then we have been doing it as a church

we need to unite

amen to that.

then we just enjoyed the city.

we rarely use a train here or anything other than a car

but last night we used the metrobus

it was a nice little adventure.

i'll leave you with a quote from last night:

"Sometimes we spend all our life trying to NOT be worldy and we define

Christianity by what we are not doing...

AND

we have no idea what we are supposed to be doing!

Instead of being of the world, but not in it

we are out of the world

but of it!

Christianity is supposed to be a heart transfer.

You don't need to be guilted into doing anything for Jesus

if you are passionate about Jesus!"

Powerful, right?

you should join us in February

One Conference

a few things i wouldn't mind getting this year

2011-12-07T10:02:00.000-05:00

Bjorg’s 2012 Jewelry

H&M dress

oh la la la this white H&M blazer

H&M ring... come to mama!

H&M earrings.

drooling over this jumpsuit from Zara.

this would make my holiday brighter, sequin blazer from Zara

Olivia + Joy bag. LOVE.
to my closs friends. i saw this at Ross for less... please!

and well im just dreaming way over my head here... Roberto Cavalli booties.

can you blame me?

"the crown of creation"

2011-12-06T09:40:00.000-05:00

i read that when god created women, we are like the crown of creation and that we are wondefully gifted creatures. there's so much we can do... we are beautiful, multi-taskers, and a man needs us. woman means great help (as i recall), we are their perfect help. and that was so encouraging to me to learn that potential and how it became distorted after the fall. women became instead of the help for the man, demanding, controlling, naggers... and some even losing their femininity. and because of the fall women also lost their worth or the understanding of their worth,

and that need for affirmation was made in their hearts.

as women it is natural of us to desired to be loved, but only the lord god can bring that affirmation and so women, we get lost if we didnt receive that care and affirmation in our childhood/adolescent years,

and later are desperately seeking that in men or other things.

and i also learned that jesus longs to fill that void,

that he is desperate to be that lover for us.

the bible speaks of our relationship with jesus in different levels of relationship.

like father to child, like master to servant, like groom and wife.

and the latter is the best and most intimate,

that he loves us in that level and wants to spend time with us as husband to a wife knocks me off my feet. he cares enough for us to want to meet even those longings in our heart. that realization reached deep for me, to know that his love goes so deep that he can really meet every necessity in our hearts, it blows me away.

and not only that, but that fact that

he wants to romance us like a man romances a woman, he is passionate for us,

he is in a desperate pursuit for our attention...

and when we come to fall in love with him, fall for him as our husband, something awakens in us,

that dependence on him, that love, that beauty, that joy...

because when we let him love on us like that, our true beauty and feminity awakens.

there's no better feeling than being romanced by the lover of my soul, jesus.

where are you in this stage? have you been able to let jesus love you like no other can?

sometimes, this may transcribe as only single women need to have this total dependence on jesus,

but from what im learning, a woman will not be able to be successful in her marriage if she doesnt find her fulfillment and identity in christ first.

and only he can affirm us, make us feel loved, beautiful, worth it

in a way that would change us forever...

this something i am living and learning and putting to practice...

i would love to hear how others have come to full acceptance of themselves in christ.

ps: two things to check out that have helped me in this process:

1. this book. -- most of my thoughts here, come from here. this book has helped change me.

2. this blog. -- read the whole thing, start from day one, seriously, you'll see why i couldnt stop reading it.

dinner party success

2011-12-05T09:38:00.000-05:00

we enjoyed such a good time together, my youth group and I.

not many words can express the fun it was.

my turkey was a success.

the food, entirely, was succesful.

delicious!

all the "kids" dressed up and look the part.

so fun.

thank you 2011 for giving us such a good time.

we look forward to making it count in 2012.

a friday confession

2011-12-02T09:50:00.000-05:00

im not sure if you've noticed, but i love food posts. and food pictures.

and eating. ha!

and i've noticed that everywhere i go, if i have a cool looking plate,

i'm snapping a photo.

i have no shame anymore.

recently though, i've had the geunine desire to get in the kitchen and whip something up.

cooking is not something i do often, but it's something i believe is in my blood.

my family has great cooks, one of those being my father.

the man makes the best turkey i've had.

and whenever i need to get in the kitchen, i call him.

good cooking genes is something my grandma, who is no longer here, left me.

and it makes me proud to say that she was an amazing cook.

and my father carries that gift.

and i want to learn it, nurture it and put it to good practice

so that my grandma's legacy and recipes carry on forever.

preparing some pasta at our youth camp.

about a month ago my church held a youth camp and when the ladies that were assigned to cook didn't show up in time, i stepped up to the plate and without hesitation, began to cook ribs.

a.good.twenty.pound.of.them.

i know, this is a terrible photo.
i look pretty exhausted. as you can imagine if you've ever been a staff for a youth camp.
and then bloody ribs.
BUT i needed to show you proof.
and don't worry, i'll bring a hair net big enough next time. :)

it was the most fun i had in the kitchen. one, because the camp had an amazing restaurant-like kitchen with so much space. and two, because it blew me away that everyone allowed me to cook the main dish for about 80 people, for the first time.

and even better, they ate them all.

it felt great.

and i want to do it again.

this weekend my youth group is having a sort of belated thanksgiving dinner to celebrate our year together and enjoy each other. so with that said, i took the challenge to cook for this dinner. so i'll be whipping up the turkey. unfraid. well maybe a little.

wish me success...please.

the season of cheer

2011-12-01T09:35:00.000-05:00

december has arrived.

i felt him this morning as the chill touch of his embrace creeped in through my sheets.

it was surprising that his arrival would be this sweet and breezy and cool.

and like no other year december's cheer has captured my heart.

and now that december is here, i can't wait for lattes,

hot cocoa,

more family loving

(well i'll give it my best shot)

and gifts of love.

a year ago i was afraid of the end

desperate

almost sad at myself because i couldnt live the moment

i was struggling to end

but i remember today how the promise of a great 2011 came to me

and i was so ready to take on the new year that i forgot to enjoy last december

i couldnt have with all the doubt, insecurities and frustrations of 300+ days

that i had lived as a woman unlike my real self.

but there's truly something special about this year

and what it has meant to me

and there's something special about this december

because although it signals the ending of an amazing, difficult, rewarding year

it also brings with it an air, a feel of the new dawn that awaits me

the minute 2012 arrives

and im ready to meet the new year

with its new challenges, sunny and rainy days

i will walk it confidently with

all the lessons learned, my new sense of appreciation for the beauty within

and an attitude of healing as i search my heart

and come to my true identity as a woman

a woman of high value because of the cross

there's no better way to begin the end

than with a new found love and acceptance

for this woman

that i've just discovered inside of me

and im ready to receive and give the cheer of the season around me

as well as the season in my heart.

are you excited this december?

Search me, O God!

2011-11-30T09:33:00.000-05:00

  O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
  you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
  and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
  behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
  and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
  it is high; I cannot attain it.

  Where shall I go from your Spirit?
  Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
  If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
  and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
  and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
  and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
  the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts;
  you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
  my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
  intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
  the days that were formed for me,
  when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
  How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
  I awake, and I am still with you.

Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
  O men of blood, depart from me!
They speak against you with malicious intent;
  your enemies take your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
  And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with complete hatred;
  I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
(Psalm 139 ESV)

highlights from a week of travel

2011-11-29T13:42:00.001-05:00

fun in the nation's capital

thanksgiving - new york

what happens after you overstuff on turkey. walk around in pj's

sunrise in ithaca, new york @ 5:30 am

ready for some times square

loving auntie duty

i had such a sweet time traveling
i was able to enjoy family and friends
i felt blessed
and very grateful

The little window...

2011-11-27T10:30:00.009-05:00

on the fourth flour of this building in a corner of new york city is a little chair with a little window in a small kitchen. the little chair is always occupied as we sit and watch people pass by.

and this little window holds dear more laughs, tears and stories of long ago than any other place in this home. it's tradition to sit here and talk, drink coffee, laugh and rejoice.

when i visit, i enjoy sitting in this chair while the aroma of my sister's cooking engrosses me and her children caress me and my mother spoils me. all while i sit and look out and ponder about the souls that I see from above, bundled together, trying to hold their own warmth in the cold. others just stand around and laugh, do things i rather not watch, blast music in their cars and seem to have a good time. or what they may deem as a good time. such is new york. loud, mad, gloomy, cold and full of people's good or bad. this little corner that i can spy from above has seen it all, or at least i am told.

and yet, with all it's good or all it's bad people young and old, continue to walk and pass by... seeming like they are conformed to this as all they have and maybe even hopeful for the future to surprise them with more than this life. it almost breaks my heart to see this happening here. no hope, no money, drugs and alcohol... people are just wasting away in this little corner. i wonder if anyone cares enough...

the church across the street embraces this place, feeds, prays and cares for them all... they believe in what may come.

seeing the good in the midst of what may be the worse, gives me hope. all is not evil in the world and there are people who care and who love. that is what makes this little corner, from this little kitchen whole.

today i'm headed south for home [for some reason this post is late so, i'm already home.] i will miss the little window, this little kitchen and all the people on the inside and the outside of the glass. im not sure i'll miss this part of new york or the way it takes its told on the people that occupy it.

so many things to be thankful for

2011-11-24T11:29:00.000-05:00

thanksgiving is probably one of my favorite holidays. it's a day to be with family and give thanks for the year's worth of blessings and even difficult times. and everywhere you turn people are coming together, cooking, shopping and eating. there's no other day in the year that i eat turkey, but today is a day worth eating it and sharing it.

today there's nothing more that i am thankful for then having jesus in my life, my family and friends.

jesus because without him i would be nothing. and without his love for me and his work in my life i would not be able to enjoy my family or my friends. and everything that i am today, that i have, that i have accomplished, and even every tear i've shed, he's had to do with it. he has made every second of this year worthwhile, no matter the cost (Rom. 8:28). he has made me better, continues to make me better, and everyday he reveals to me who i am and where i'm going. and although, seeing my humanity for what it is, it's not always fun, he shows me it to remind me of my worth, his love for me despite that and to show me how much potential he sees in me for his kingdom. and today unlike any other thanksgiving, i am grateful for who i am in him. i'm grateful for every good quality, every flaw and every little thing i struggle with, because with all of it, he has made me, he has chosen me and wants to use me.

and today im grateful to be in love with jesus. to posses a new found joy and contentment. and even for the battle i've chosen to fight, daily, to let go my will in order to have his. i'm finally learning what matters most and for that i am grateful.

and i am also thankful for you. i've learned so much from you all about love, creativity, selflessness, and being real. thank you for that and for visiting my little place where i've learned to shed some light into my heart and to allow my heart to bloom.

may you have a happy thanksgiving and beautiful joy with your loved ones.

and please do eat tons. i sure will.

it's a jungle out there

2011-11-23T13:27:00.000-05:00

picture is a little dark, but wanted to remember this day in dc waiting for my bus to nyc

after a long bus drive yesterday i finally made it to new york. amazingly, the rain couldnt stop me. the cold didnt scare me. i braved it out and made to the city, the jungle. it really is a jungle. people everywhere all shapes and sizes and colors in every street corner. people smiling. people walking with their head down. some sad. some angry. each with stories untold that maybe if we heard them, we'd be changed forever. i saw all that, as i waited to be picked up. hands freezing, clutching tight to my bags at every passerby. and i felt criminal to judge them that way. so i held on to my faith instead, knowing that i was not alone, nor needed to be afraid in this city, just needed to be brave.

my ride finally arrived... i made it home. momma's warmth. my sister's soup. a hot shower. and i was ready. ready again to spend my next few days in awe of family's love and friendship's care. looking forward to that turkey tomorrow and a parade.... from the comfort of a living room though... not sure i want to brave out the rain... i rather see it from home anyway, coffee in hand and beautiful people around me.

and of course this little thing, that steals my heart over and over again...


my niece styling the cutest hat ever (of course i picked it!)

hope you holiday is beautiful...

No place like DC

2011-11-21T14:51:00.003-05:00

Every place I visit steals my heart a bit... DC is no different. I arrived yesterday to a chilly afternoon and the embrace of color everywhere I turned. oh and I knew it then, I was in love.

The trees. They stole my heart. I never get to see them like this, in such splendor.

Here I realized my heart was made for Fall... For cardigans and scarves. For walks on colorful leafy roads holding a warm cup of coffee or hot chocholate (the content doesn't matter as much as it's warmth). Or just chatting away, clutching to my bag, feeling the cool breeze over my dark tights and listening to the heel of my boots reminding me I'm at a home away from home... and for a second or two I want to stay... but then I am glad to visit and take with me a new perspective, fond memories and a new love...

2011-11-18T11:50:00.000-05:00

“We laughed and laughed, together and separately, out loud and silently, we were determined to ignore whatever needed to be ignored, to build a new world from nothing if nothing in our world could be salvaged, it was one of the best days of my life, a day during which I lived my life and didn't think about my life at all.”
Jonathan Safran Foer

2011-11-16T13:28:00.000-05:00

last night i had an amazing evening...

first. rachael lampa in an acoustic set. sharing stories and songs. while surrounded by books.

then. miami food trucks. cause you know food is a must. any day.

the end.

i wanna do it again.

on the climb

2011-11-15T11:00:00.000-05:00

over the weekend i decided on a little risk and got highlights.
you'd think that such decision wouldnt require much deliberation, but to me any risk is often too big.

i was nervous to the core to attempt such changing process in my hair. thoughts of how it would turn out, how i would feel after and other things, all became part of my second-guessing game. which i play often.

i made the choice. sat on the chair. sucked in the smell of ammonia. and had the process done. i knew once she started to lighten, there was no turning back. and for a moment i was happy there. i was glad that there was no way i could go back after that. it was almost like my soul came to rest, although my mind kept itself busy with concerns about the results.

and i thought to myself, why is that first step so difficult to make? why is that little moment in the unknown so difficult to take in? why am i so afraid to live?

every little girl dreams of being a princess. most little girls twirl in their dresses, wear bows and love pink. they love feeling beautiful and special. they love hearing daddy's voice assuring them of their value, their worth. every little girl grows into a woman with those same desires of feeling loved. being affirmed in her beauty and being held in a lovers arm.

its how we were created.

but the story is never that perfect. some little girls, lack daddy in their life, or if he is present, he is emotionally absent. in some cases daddy never learned growing up the importance of tender affection, but only heard words of how unworthy and how insufficient he was. and unfortunately this transcends to how he loves on his children. making that poor little girl feel unloved, never enough. leaving her with an unquenchable desire to be worth it and loved.

and that desire for love and acceptance follows a little girl to her womanhood, unless she meets a man named jesus, who paid the price for her and loves her unconditionally.

and even still with him by her side, young women and old struggle with their worth, leaving them tainted and often afraid to live, afraid to take risks.

i've been there. and i know what is like to yearn my daddys love and my daddy's affimartion even after all these years of him knowing me. sometimes, he doesnt get it, he doesnt see that his words burn like fire and shatter me. but i understand him. he didnt learn any better. and although, my worth is in Christ, i still desire to be again his little princess, twirl in my dresses and hear him say that im the prettiest little girl he has ever seen.

through a greater love than i can ever describe, i've learn to love the one i am and i am progressively making myself pleasing to my king. i've ceased fighting to please my earthly father. i may never hear the words, and even if i did, they dont define me. although he may never utter it, i know he is proud, although he may struggle to admit it, he finds me beautiful and he would give his life for me.

his silence has become enough reassurance. and my heavenly father's utterings into my ear of how precious i am to him, fuel me everyday. and i know that i can be that little girl who is now a woman, precious and worth more than she can yet comprehend. free at last, to take risks, jump hurdles, and live. yes, live.

2011-11-14T09:23:00.000-05:00

i had a really dear time with my family this weekend. it's just too bad i dont have pictures of me smiling or them smiling back. my twin sisters (not me a twin, my sisters are twins) are the sweetest things, but dont like to be photographed. neither does rocio, the youngest. nor dad or stepmom. so instead i took pictures of food we had. and i caught one of the lovely twins on our dinner date.

i drove two hours, get off the car and this is how dad welcomes me.
can't say i complained.

i convinced one of my dear sisters to dinner, without the others,
they all work and being with them is a balancing act.

and of course the meal is the most important part of this ordeal.

oh the sweet taste of overly tangy, sweet ribs.
they were worth the upset stomach after.

my take on 11.11.11. and a video.

2011-11-11T11:23:00.000-05:00

quito, ecuador. not my side of town, unfortunately.

its such a beautiful day on this side of town. and im a thrilled to enjoy the weather and the great company. im driving north to spend time with my family and i cant wait to see my girls. my sisters. my dad. and stepmom.

to celebrate the spectacle that is 11.11.11 i want to share 11 things that i love, am learning about or just cant live without.

1. family is really important.

my sister rocio. the youngest one.

today, i know that family are those who are always there for you no matter what. friends have left me. friends have abandoned me. but my family, they still stick around. yes, they have failed me, they too have abandoned me, but no where else have i found the satisfaction when one of them feels proud. no where else have i seen people break their backs to make sure im fine. their love for me is special.

2. friends are highly valuable and needed in ones life.

i've been blessed with many good friends that should all be honored for their love. but these girls right here know how to give a girl a good time and pick up a sister in prayer when she needs it. these women, one time or another, have held my heart in their hands and lifted me up to the lord and loved me during the awful times as well as the great ones.

3. break for that tea or coffee.

i love coffee. and tea. and their warmth in my hand bring me inspiration, energy and joy that i just need throughout my day.

4. a great purse

i love bags. and i love the way a nice vintage, thrifted bag adds a unique touch to any look.

5. and a scarf

i have more scarves than i dare to count, but this h&m scarf is probably one of my favorites. and i love the sassy touch to it.

6. lovely meals.

these pictures say it all. yum!

7. books that reach deeper than mere humans can

excuse the bird droppings please. and yes, these shoes should have made this list too.

i really love to read and i have a large bookshelf to prove it. oh and a bag ready to go to goodwill with a good 30 of them that didn't fit anymore. and this 2011 i have been able to enhance my love for reading by participating in a book club and it has been an amazing blessing to read great books and share them with peers. god has blessed us and united us through our book study.

8. great blogger friends

i've met amazing women through blogging and i have felt so blessed to know an incredible amount of creative, god-loving girls. i met Ana (pictured here) from the recordologist in boston this summer and have begun a great relationship, from a far. but glad to know she is someone to call to.

9. a nice camera

im really enjoying photographing everything around me. i need to better my skills but it's still fun to always have a camera handy.

10. desire to let go of the old and welcome the new

the lord has been molding me intensely this year. but i think, that finally i am getting closer and closer to letting him take out the old and pour in the new. there is no better feeling than knowing he cares so much for me to make me over.

11. recording random, awkward videos while everyone is sleeping and trying to whisper through a song... enjoy!

take my life, take my voice, take my will, please take me, all.

2011-11-09T09:40:00.000-05:00

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.

Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

my weekend at camp

2011-11-08T11:27:00.000-05:00

my body still aches from the effects of an amazing weekend at camp.

our annual camp did not disapoint. not only did we have amazing fun,

but we also had amazing moments in the lord's presence.

he really embraced us with his love and adoration. we felt so loved by him.

his ways are so beautiful. i felt his hand holding me close. i felt his encouraging love.

and he affirmed me so strongly in the moments that i needed it most.

he surely loves us. he is surely good. he is surely faithful when we choose him above all.

seeing the pictures takes me back

how sore my legs are, takes me back

it takes me back to those long hours standing up

those hours of me in the kitchen, making grilled cheese, pasta, ribs (for the first time)

and it takes me back to worshiping the lord with all my heart

and seeing young people worship him with the utmost desire for more

and our hearts connected

we became one

and as camp arise came to an end sunday afternoon

we were all convinced that this had been the best weekend of our year

and that there was nothing more we wanted

but to go back there

to meet with god, eat smores

and run like crazy.

on the edge of my seat

2011-11-03T11:30:00.000-04:00

preparations are well underway

lack of sleep has exceeded its maximun

excitement is at its peak

and i cant wait to see everyone enjoy themselves

while we make them work-up a sweat

and

a letter to november

2011-11-01T16:45:00.000-04:00

dear november, welcome home.

with you here, im closer to the end, which means it's also the beginning.

with you i pledge to travel unceansingly trying to see how i fit every family member to one of all the holidays around the corner, not an easy task to accomplish when all of them are scattered, but nonetheless a welcomed experience.

with you here, i have no fear to dust-off my boots, wear the hoodies, and walk outside comfortably. this sunshine state of mine likes you too, the sun is bright enough, and the breeze is cool enough (well at least it is today!).

with you arriving, i plan, pack and head to our annual youth camp this weekend with my lovely church fam. i cant wait to see everyone laughing, playing, worshiping, embracing, eating uncontrollably and running to win.

and most of all i cant wait to celebrate my mommy's birthday on your last day. it's quite an event for her and one for me as i think this year of how to make her feel loved, appreciated and forgiven. our past hasn't made it easy.

and with you here, i am closer to another season. a december that will be one to remember. i just know it.

thank you again, for joining me yet again on this journey. i commit to enjoying you to the very last bit of dawn you own.

after the rain has gone

2011-10-31T15:06:00.000-04:00

the rain showed up this weekend with fervent determination to pour and pour over my town. i have to say i enjoyed it. i spent most of the day saturday with great friends. and as the rain progressed and the day turned into night, i wearied with the added stress of running errands while it rained so hard. but the day's joy picked up once we out-smarted ms. rain with boots to splash on the puddles it left behind. i wouldnt have it any other way, i must add.

and today, there's no rain, for now at least, but what seems like a silent and peaceful sun peeking through the window. calm day as can be. the storm has ceased.

and with the calmness of the day i now sit sipping on coffee. playing with my hair. resminicing on the past few days and activities. and i feel new. refreshed. often tortured by my desire to be done and changed, quickly. but hopeful to see the effects of a life under god's microscope. and nothing beats that embrace. nothing makes me more secure as a woman than knowing that all my mess ups, tears and bitter words come together for a good purpose. to make me a glorious testimony of his love. and to use me as tool to change this world one person at a time. who knows, which way he'll have it, but as long as jesus is in it, i want it.

and as these moments bring about this new long-awaited transformation, i find more strength to accept the new, more strength to forget the old, and more strength to be brutally honest with others and myself. the brutally honest part still needs adjustment. but this is all a blessed accomplishment leading me to goals i hardly knew i had. thinking of heading back to school. making new music. picking up an instrument. considering future plans. mission trips. development work. yearning to be in the kitchen more. seeking to please my lord and be more like him. and looking forward to that one day when i'll finallysay we did this. jesus and i.

and with these thoughts, and after long days of rain, i conclude that not every storm carries with it heavy rain and strong winds. some do and when they arrive they come through, do some damage and leave you with a broken structure to rebuild. and in that rebuilding, new and better things are usually brewed. and although that which was broken was loved and often missed, the new that has come is oh so sweet.

soon real soon, i am coming through as sweet as can be.

hot chocolate night

2011-10-26T22:38:00.000-04:00

tonight has been just beautiful.

after a long.busy.tedious day at work, i took a nice walk with my aunt who always provides for great conversations. there's nothing better than history. history evolves, history returns. it's so refreshing to hear from the people of old, the ones who paved the way for us. and it pays off that while i workout my body her words give my mind a challenge of sorts. her kind words, her faith, her simple outlook at life, how she laughs and the way she enjoyed her youth. when i look at her now, i could not see that social girl in her. she had a wild side as a young woman growing up in new york. She danced, she led a hispanic club in her college, she dressed fashionably, she made great bonds and took care of family and married late for the time, but she doesnt regret it a bit because as she said she lived her seasons well.

she lived her seasons well. beautifully put.

she married at 27. today im her age and have no such plans as of yet. and hearing her words i feel good about it. at 27 she enjoyed her seasons well. she had so much more life in her years at that time than i could account for in my 27. and well i guess it makes sense when Abe Lincoln says "that is not the years in your life that count, but the life in your years." and as she did, i want to reach my next season of life ready and well lived. god uses every season in our lives for a purpose. even if that purpose is just growth to enable us to fit the mold of the next one. and in every season we should enjoy the moment. the good and the bad. the lovely and the ugly.

my season at 27 is one of progressive growth. surrender. accomplishing self-control. beautification. acceptance. and embracing real love.

not the easiest mountain to climb. but at the end of the road it will be worth the journey.

it's also a time of taking new steps. embracing new challenges. flirting with happiness. laughing hysterically. fighting the woes. singing in the rain and sipping hot chocolate on lazy evenings, leisurely.

such is life.

oh pain, beauty's just a word without you

2011-10-25T13:40:00.000-04:00

i've had this song on replay

for a day now

and i hear it

and i feel it

and it breaks me

but at minute 3:48

im stronger.

ps: im just hanging with music lately...

ever have those days?

my anthem today. and possibly tomorrow.

2011-10-21T09:37:00.000-04:00

This is not the end

This is not the end of this

We will open our eyes wide, wider

This is not our last

This is not our last breath

We will open our mouths wide, wider

And you know you’ll be alright

Oh and you know you’ll be alright

This is not the end

This is not the end of us

We will shine like the stars bright, brighter

ps: i am in love with gungor band. seriously great music. lyrics. creativity.

just cause it rains outside it doesn't mean it has to rain inside.

2011-10-19T14:46:00.000-04:00

the rain has not ceased in the sunshine state for the last three days.

and although the day looks gloomy outside, my inside it's just getting brighter.

it's a funny thing how seasons work.

and for that i am grateful.

because my saviour works in and out of season.

he transforms my life from a dark, gloomy winter day to a sun filled, breezy forever.

what more could i ask for.

"Blessed be the name of God forever and ever,
    to whom belong wisdom and might.
²¹ He changes times and seasons;
    he removes kings and sets up kings;
he gives wisdom to the wise
   and knowledge to those who have understanding;
²² he reveals deep and hidden things;
    he knows what is in the darkness,
   and the light dwells with him.
²³To you, O God of my fathers,
    I give thanks and praise,
for you have given me wisdom and might,
   and have now made known to me what we asked of you,
   for you have made known to us the king’s matter."

Daniel 2:20-23

some posts dont need a title.

2011-10-18T10:26:00.001-04:00

  I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress,
  my God, in whom I trust.”
  For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
  and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his pinions,
  and under his wings you will find refuge;
  his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
You will not fear the terror of the night,
  nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
  nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

(Psalm 91:2-6 ESV)

rainy day inspration

2011-10-16T17:46:00.000-04:00

wishy washy

2011-10-14T11:06:00.000-04:00

it's one of those days...
so far i've had too much of this:

and my mind keeps going back to this:

could you blame me?

i love that with these shoes, i can go from classy to sassy...

i wish their heel was a bit higher though

sigh

ok. back to the grind.

ps: meaningful posts will resume shortly

shaken by the brokenness of the world

2011-10-13T10:50:00.000-04:00

when i saw this video i was shaken and compelled
and it moved me to do more for the hurting
the world deserves more of me, of us.

and my work, though little, can make a difference
for the last 6 years the lord has allowed me to be involved in humanitarian and evangelical work,
but from the offices

i've been able to be a support team for missionaries and on-field people
that everyday give their all to help the underprivileged
and to share jesus with them

when i feel like ive done so little,
i am reminded of the many reports of the people falling in love with christ
and hearing of the many people, who although had never heard the gospel,
risk their life to watch a film about his sacrifice
they gather in masses
sit in a uncomfortable chair
without a good sound system or projector for that matter
and they meet jesus -- and love him

their faith is so grand in comparison to mine

they dont have the opportunity to worship freely. they lack religious freedom.
they dont have a nice comfortable, air-conditioned church to fellowship.
they meet in house churches, and many lack structure.
they dont have resources, testimonies and videos such as these.
their information is limited and censored by their government.
they dont have big conferences with prominent speakers and big worship bands
they barely have bibles.

and although they lack so much, from the little they have, they've blessed the elderly
they tell me how they collect clothes, food, money to bless the people who really need help
how the women's group goes out and aids the sick, prays for the elderly, and do it two by two
and how their joy, even in the mist of desperate measures, is really of God

and all this hits me and i feel so blessed to know them
and although i may be the one involved in providing the resourcesto assist them
they are the ones truly transforming meand making my life better

what are you doing for the world?
do what you can,
even a little, goes a long way.

how to make delicious cuban (espresso) coffee

2011-10-12T09:26:00.000-04:00

if you haven't noticed, i love coffee. and in my area of the country, we drink cuban style coffee. it's basically like the regular espresso but with Latin flavor. or like i would say, it's the cheaper version of making an espresso without the expensive machinery. here goes...


what you'll need: espresso maker. metal cup. small spoon. esspresso coffee (if you can, find Pilon or Bustelo in your area, that's the best choice!)

fill the water cup to the maximum allowed.

pour it into the machine (basic stuff, right?)

take some coffee and put it in the filter cup holder (that thing above) and pack it down with the little spoon. how much depends on how dark you like it. i usually just fill it to the top and add a little more to pack a bit tight. not too much.

while the coffee brews, take the metal cup and put in two spoonfuls of sugar.

here's the tricky part. be sure to pay attention to the coffee and make sure to catch the first drip of coffee with your metal spoon. then put it in the metal cup, over the sugar. don't use too much. enough to help you make a paste out of the sugar.

using your metal spoon, stir the sugar until it becomes pasty.

sort of like this. note: this is a work out, your arm may hurt. just kidding.


this is how it should look. you are almost there. note: if you accidentally over did it with the coffee and it's liquid-y, add more sugar to balance it out. and before you do the next step, discard some of the paste, or your coffee will be too sweet.

when the coffee is all done, pour it into your metal cup. stir it a little.

pour it into a cute little espresso cup (presentation is everything so go get a cute espresso set)

and enjoy!

alright, you are set. and now you wont have to visit Miami for a nice taste of Cuban coffee.

if you try it please let me know how it goes. I will tell you this, coffee draws people, and they always come back for more, so use with caution. have a good day!

little man. big heart. questionable camera skills

2011-10-11T11:18:00.000-04:00

i've been wanting to share great photos on here

so i decided to hire someone to do the work for me

since most of you out there have a gorgeous hubby doing it for you

i opted for the cutest man in my life.

meet the photographer.

he is 5 and about 40lbs

and possibly less than 3 feet tall

(i have no clue really!)

but definitely half my size.

as you can see his work is quite impressive.

but then we got into some problems

after 500 photos taken

(which is what you need in order to get a good one!)

he decided he wanted to go back to his old job

(whatever it is 5-year-olds do)

and left me on my own

and im doing a darn ~~good~~ job

i'm not sure this is going to work out!

afternoon break.

2011-10-10T17:58:00.000-04:00

Always continue the climb. It is possible for you to do whatever you choose, if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than ourselves to do it.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Refreshed.

2011-10-10T14:27:00.000-04:00

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
  for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
  my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
  my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
  Trust in him at all times, O people;
  pour out your heart before him;
  God is a refuge for us. Selah

Psalm 62:5-8

well last week was hard on me as i started dealing with some tough issues in my heart.
you know, areas that well you just have there hidden and not wanting to relinquish them

for so long i dragged them with me until i cant no more.

god has somehow let me hold on for awhile as he dealt with other areas, as he blessed me and grew me,

but now the time has come to take a huge step-up in the staircase of life.

and i cant bring with me the extra baggage. it's just simply too heavy.

and many times we do this in life. we carry extra baggage. unnecessary items that do us no good.

somehow we think we need them or deserve them

when really they dont deserve us.

meanwhile the only thing that can uphold us is the lord.

this past weekend i came face to face with his love.

as i worshiped him on friday, he just showed up and lit up inside me

i felt tears coming down my face as he recued me from the despair.

he hugged me with his presence.

and filled me with his joy.

so beautiful.

so refreshing.

and so the rest of the weekend continued in the same way.

at church we spoke on circumcision of the heart.

then more on surrender

letting the lord lead.

and then a breakthru

i opened my heart, put down my guard

and confessed my struggles with a small group of friends.

and received their affection and support.

i know, im merely a canvas and he is the artist

painting a beautiful masterpiece

the process is just not easy

but in the end it will be

a picture worthy of admiration

reflecting him in me

and really that's what i want most.

oh the bliss.

2011-10-07T11:41:00.000-04:00

Kairos

as you can see, i keep bringing out album photos.

not to show off, but i just want to share them with you and they turned out really good.

this is actually my favorite. we look so genuinely happy. and i love my hair in this photo.

in all honesty, i've eaten a lot more bread since (that was back in March)

and i've also trimmed my hair a bit,

which in curly world that equals to a 75% reduction in length.

no matter how little the trimming was.

this photo makes me smile more today.

it makes me feel beautiful

when i look at it, i see carefree, genuinely, joyful jennifer
and i like that.
a lot.
and i want that.
always.

and even though it may have been only a smile,
for a moment this photo captured the inner beauty
the special

glow. grace. joy.
that has been meaning to come out
to come free
from within me.

this week, i've enjoyed the realizations

and the freedom that i have achieved through this deeper analysis of myself

i've come to enjoy and see how easy it can be to live free

if you just allow the Lord to do it in you.

letting go and working at it daily, pays off.

and im enthusiastic about each new day,

facing it with the utmost fear, but yet the utmost strength to conquer, and succeed

at living a life of joy and peace and service to the one who called me.

oh the bliss of loving of jesus.

2011-10-05T20:48:00.000-04:00

i'm undergoing deep realizations this week.

(if you haven't notice, see recent posts)

one of those things is that after i turned 26 my body has been turning into my mother.

slowly.but.surely.

nose. hips. waist.

this is tough stuff.

oh. i also just traded bread for a stepper. you must understand.

sigh.

please be patient.

foolishness i tell you.

2011-10-05T15:40:00.000-04:00

By Phoenix Han

this morning i felt like a failure.
a woman full of insanity.
you'd think that after doing something repeatedly, failing, then hurting, that one would stop.
but no.
it's foolishness i tell you.

but in this insanity, i find a greater hope.

i grab my cup of coffee and sip away, with despair nonetheless, as i try to make sense of my faults.
is there any way to make sense of my humanity?
probably not. but i search within myself and realize that it's not about the mistakes i make over and over again. it's not about seeing them, weeping over them and then just moving on. but it's more about accepting that i am a flawed human and that there's a hope. there's grace for my cause. and then proceed to let it go. and not the kind of letting go with a hint of disregard for my irresponsibility or lack of self-control. but letting it go to the one and only one who can make me better. because if there is anything i learned is that i am unable to fix myself. i need a higher power to help me with that. and you know even then, i need to surrender my cares so that he could carry them for me.

so in a way, although it was difficult to do, i finally took a step into the dark zone. that zone where you think about whether god is really holding you together. you know he is, but there's a second of fear and doubt. am i really here? is he really with me? and he is.

i've learned that when im in my worse times nothing feels better than casting it to the wind. releasing it from my grip. allowing it to fly from me. because then it's when i can really proceed to move forward. to move from the sin. to move from what issue grabbed me and sucked out the joy and peace. and how to get it all back. only then can i sip my coffee again, breathe, read his word and feel his embrace all over again.

but it's that process of releasing that is the hardest. i'm still working towards it.

who i am.

2011-10-03T15:19:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been lost in yourself? You know like you know who you are, but you don’t?

It’s a weird experience to say the least.

I mean I wake up every morning and I fill my life with things that I convince myself express who I am. I know what clothes I like. I love dresses. and jeans. and high heels. And I love trying on a few outfits before I leave my house because I need to look just right. And then I love to sit in front on my mirror. Put on make-up. I definitely must have blush, mascara and a nice hint of color on my lips. Then I move to my hair. In the mornings it’s usually up in a high bun and then it’s not easy to bring it down to look normal. But it usually just does its bouncy thing. And before I approve, the look has to come together with necklace and bracelets and all. And then I smile. But sometimes I don’t. Because I don’t see what I think I need to show. Because I want to be the one to be liked. I want to be the one to be loved. And this has been my disorder for the last years.

I’ve never spoken love on this blog. And it’s basically because I can’t do it. Not because I have not loved. But because love has left me broken. And it left me broken because love’s time has not yet come to my life. I’ve wrongly gave my heart away without being asked for it or without it being well received or wanted. and well, I’m still putting the pieces back together.

I fought so hard all this time to be what I thought would get my heart purchased, what would seal the deal. as if my heart and soul were but a car and I was a car salesman. during this whole time I forgot about me. I forgot that the beauty in me was priceless and already paid for. And in that I sold myself short. I sold my heart and love for what I hoped and what I perceived. I never knew I could be so blind and so lost within myself.

Today when I asked myself the question of who I am, I’m not all too certain because for so long I defined myself the girl who needed to be another girl to obtain the love that she so dearly wanted. And that’s no fun, heck; it’s the most stressful thing in life.

Today, I say, I am a daughter of Christ, but I recognize that I haven’t lived up to that title. I haven’t valued myself as he does. I haven’t trusted him enough with who he made me to be. And I am actually much more fun than I give myself credit. But bitterness has clouded that. sadness has tainted that. and my cover-up has fooled only me. and im distressed.

There’s more to this girl that sings. To this woman with bouncy hair. Behind it all, there’s a woman of passion and of deep cares. i’m full of compassion, love and tender kindness. I love to write poems and sing love songs. I like to drink coffee and eat desserts. I love to cook (although I don’t do it often) and share what I eat. im really nice, often too nice, and stepped over. I lack a backbone and get hurt. I am afraid to fight back sometimes but I do what I can. I sing and I love it, but I am yet even more talented in so many ways. I dance, I act, I clean and hop. Ive battled with weight but im doing just fine. I can’t wait to be wed and be a housewive. You know, im real. Human. Imperfect. And well those imperfections are ok. those imperfections define me. and I am afraid of them. I’ve let them rule me simply because I was afraid they’d get in the way, and take me down or take me away from what I thought I deserved. But how could I deserve what I selfishly wanted. Cause that love was love but love that would only benefit me and my desire to get my way. I am control freak. My way or my way. And I get bratty when I don’t get my way.

Sigh.

There’s freedom in writing this out. Writing is freedom. To me at least. I am always more open, more real in my writing. It really speaks volumes of me and the pretty person I am inside. And so I wanted to write and through it discover the flaws, the real cover-up, the real me in the cobwebs.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t fake it, I am genuine, but inside I battled trying to be someone else. To my blog I’ve been more real than to the world. Blogging is freedom. But I want to live freely indeed. Unafraid of who I am. Unafraid to be loved with flaws and all. I’ve had many battles, but I’ve also had victories. Victories outweigh the bad. But I’ve struggled with letting god. With moving on. I struggle with trusting the mighty one who created me.

I like to be called jen or Jennifer. But everyone calls me jenny. This makes me wonder, do they really know who I am? They should know, but I need to give them the chance. I need to give myself a chance to be free. And then im sure love’s time will come for me because it’s perfect in all ways. God sent. God willed and planned. And that I want. But first, I want to be who I am in him. I have a long way because first I need to accept that who I was is no longer who I am.

a girl that sings.

2011-09-29T10:13:00.000-04:00

this morning as i drove to work, i began thinking. i think a lot when i drive. and well a song on the radio came on and it say the words that have stayed with me since.

i know you love to hear me sing.

and deep inside me, my soul went "wow".

my mind flashed to memories of me singing. i was suddenly nine again grabbing a hairbrush and using it as a mic while i sang in front of the mirror. then i was in my teen years, screaming at the top of my lungs again. running around the house while i babysat my little sisters. then i was singing at church for the first time. i could see my nervousness in my thoughts. the thrill of singing for a greater purpose. nothing could compare. then im in a room recording my album. i think i had never felt such excitement. such passion. i mean the physical exhaustion after every recording session of often repeating the same note, could not outweigh the joy in my heart to be doing just that. and then i came back to recent memories of all the places i've been to lately, singing, sharing. and then i came back to my car. driving. listening to a song i love and singing along at the top of my lungs. alone. with the loudness and passion in my singing voice.

somehow, after all the stages, church altars or rooms i've sung in. nothing compares to the thrill of driving and singing passionately, like no one could hear me. and really no one can hear me (or at least i like to think that). and then im fearless. i reach for the notes that i otherwise would be too insecure to try. i am not afraid to miss them. im not afraid to shriek. sing off tune or even forget the lines. it's just me and the music. becoming one. finding refuge in one another. sitting together. just enjoying each other.

right there, im just a girl. a girl that sings. for me. for love. for his mighty name. cause he can hear my music anywhere. he can hear the music i have yet to uncover. the music that i haven't found the right words to. he hears them. he loves them. and that's why i love them. and thats why i sing to him. because i know he loves to hear me sing.

something tells me you'll love this photo as much as i do.

2011-09-28T13:36:00.000-04:00

oh, rainy day, i think i like you

2011-09-27T09:45:00.000-04:00

it's raining here today. and there's something about rain. that makes you tender, soft-hearted. wanting to stay in bed. under candlelight, reading a good book, listening to a good tune. but instead, this morning, i woke up in the dawn hours to cuddle with my lord. reading his sweet word, letting it caress my heart. encouraging me, assuring me. i've never felt more beautiful than in his loving arms. i've never felt more secure then when his silence whispers he loves me. and today, in my dark room, my heart lit up in silence as i asked him to search me and renew me. he touched me with his mighty hand, but only enough to not consume me. and as the rain fell this morning, i felt his joy. i felt his tears of unconditional love for his people falling over the grass, the pavement, reminding us of his hurting heart, but yet a loving one. as i drove and still lingered on his touch, the rainbow in the sky was right ahead. i drove under it. and the wave of cars could not distract me from the message above me. he loves me, he loves us. he is a big, amazing god, who loves us, and never fails.

starbucks not only brews coffee but great memories

2011-09-26T08:00:00.004-04:00

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves" 1 Peter 3:3-5

i arrived to starbucks saturday evening. expectant of a good time. we greeted each other. her with her smile. me with my glow. spiffy as she described me. i ordered a passion tea shaken lemonade. my favorite on the menu. she opted for nothing. we sat outside. the warmth in the air was just in its peak even at the evening hours. but we wanted to converse outside sitting in the comfy couches. and that we did. for hours. we spoke of college. of style and lack of. we spoke family. broken homes. dads. moms. their imperfections. and just everything. while i listened to her, i learned of her beautiful simplicity. i admired her kind heart as she spoke. and i savoured her truest sentiment as i shared about my deepest struggles. in her eyes a sincere love and admiration. what a magnificent soul. i was privilege to sit with what felt like a little angel. as i drove home, i couldn't help contemplating the words that we had allow to escape our sacred hearts. and the tears we each held back. we were both of a same kind for a moment or two. just women who love and have loved each other deeply. i took from her lessons of good, she took from me lessons of wisdom.

what a pleasant evening to say the least.

2011-09-24T18:36:00.000-04:00

I feel as if my skin is the only thing keeping me from going everywhere at once.

Henry

from Everafter

there's something powerful about fridays...

2011-09-23T10:14:00.000-04:00

that creates the yearning in me to read a book

while visiting my secret place in the dawn hours to get away....

to breathe easier. to let the wind caress my hair and my cares away. to suddenly feel whole again, not broken from the stress of the previous five days, full of thinking, analyzing and who knows what else.
just a time to suck in nature, god's creation, and here him whisper in my ears with the special music of the silence and the water as they hit the rocks.

fridays are powerful, they awaken desires beyond this world, desires of peace and calm that i can only reach by getting away from the capitalist mentality of our roads and gated homes.
fridays call me to breathe, to elope with the solace of loliness and a book. a journal. and a cup of tea.
fridays free me to be, to seek a fresh start to another week.